Love in the New Millennium

So I'm at this big local festival with the twins Friday night. Hometown stuff is always the best. They had hot air balloons on display and children could get in them and go up about four feet.

Lots of fun!

The twins played forever with two little girls there with their dad. The dad and I chatted away about all sorts of drivel that made no sense and had absolutely no continuity at all.

After about a half an hour, we wandered to the rides and as the children had a blast, the dad and I continued to chat.

We moved on to the games where the dad won his kids each something and then proceeded to win mine something as well.

He finally said, "Well would you like to go for coffee or something sometime?"

But since I had failed to bring my politically correct mind and didn't engage my filter at the right moment, I said....

"Look, you seem like a nice guy. But I'm an overweight, divorced, mother of five. Ok, so one is out of the house and married, but that still leaves four children at home, one of which is in college so that means I have no money, ever. Add to that my job which takes up about 50 to 60 hours a week and I really wouldn't have any time to make all your dreams come true. My house is a mess and I don't have any time to clean it. I often feel like I have accomplished something if I'm able to get my garbage to the curb on the appropriate day. And just so you know what you are asking for, my last relationship was in essence an emotional rape that two years later I am still processing. I haven't really had sex in ages and am not sure I would know what to do if it presented itself. Oh, and some of my best friends in mass just today told me that I have a poor self-esteem and should probably lay off finding a man for awhile.

So...do you still want my number?"

He looked like a deer in headlights. After a long pause he said....

"Well you hide it well and if you must know, I also work between 50 and 60 hours a week at a job that I hate. As for dreams, I think my wife will be getting them in the divorce. Further, my soon to be ex-wife said that I'm boring as hell, but I do manage to get the garbage out to curb every week. I won't ever have any money because I'm paying her money now and I'm sure she is going to be effective at getting an unreasonable child support payment. My house is relatively clean because I'm never there and the kids don't ever spend the night. As for my last relationship, well, it wasn't really a relationship if there are three involved right...so I'm not sure if I can even qualify it as a relationship. As for sex, I don't know if my parts still work, that's how long it's been. As for self-esteem, I'm an eviscerated man who has been told by his wife that after 15 years I was nothing but a disappointment.

How about you take my number and when you are ready we can go for coffee."

Love in the new millennium. Cough. Cough. Gag.