What Will You Do For Love?

This isn't original. In fact it is a response from a man who had a relationship with a narcissist. The question posed was "What Will You Do For Love".

One of the hardest things about recovery from a narcissistic relationship is being able to love and trust again. Every thing said is questioned because when the narcissist was spouting "I love you's", "I want a life with you", and "We will be together because I can't live without you's", one tends to believe them. I mean, it was always the tears in his eyes as he professed his love that convinced me. How do we not believe what is so truthfully coming from our own hearts at that very moment?

So as recovery goes on, one of the hurtles is knowing and learning and being willing to be open again....to trust again. Knowing what real love is because, quite frankly, what we have encountered had absolutely nothing to do with love at all.

Tonight, I was cleaning out my email. I found this saved. It means so much more to me now than it did two years ago when I saved it. It embodies the heart of an NPD survivor. It shares the struggle. I'm sharing it here because I think that some of you need to hear it....to know that you are not alone.

What will you do for love?

I am still in the process of defining what I will do for love, as I am only a year no contact and re-evaluating not only what I will do for love, but the very definition of love. It has been a long process of evolutionary growth that has involved a lot of introspection and reconciling the past with what will soon be the future.

I do however know what I will not do for "love".

I will not let another person take what I thought was intimacy and commitment and turn it into a mockery by sharing herself with someone else after proclaiming things like "you are a man so far beyond anything I could ever deserve" and "you are the only man I have ever loved, dreamed of and wanted". I have come to the conclusion that at that point, a woman should not be having sex with other men.

I will not put my body at risk by being with a person like that, that could possibly catch a disease and introduce it to me.

I won't "compete" with every loser source of narcissistic supply she locks onto on a whim and subject myself to the endless triangulation that ultimately occurs.

I will not compromise MY dreams, goals, and values to another person that is an empty shell, and lacks the fundamental ability to even value anything, let alone another person. Life is too short and my dreams, goals, and values too important to sacrifice to a parasite that would jeopardise them.

I will not tolerate lies, manipulation, and endless deception. Not one minute of my life is worth having to deal with that nonsense - ever.

I won't hold onto someone that has no purpose in life other than to feed off other people (for attention, money, acknowledgement) and use them without mercy.

I will not sacrifice my values to a person that twists reality, distorts the truth, and lacks any character.

I won't waste another single day on any of that craziness and will run as fast as I can in the opposite direction when I encounter it.

Love is a powerful force when it is experienced and shared with a healthy person that respects you, shares your values, and treats you like a human being.

Love has existed as a defining emotion in the history of mankind, dating back to the beginning of time and is a driving force in almost all of a normal human being's actions. And not just passionate, romantic love, but love for family, children, and all that goes along with it - empathy and compassion. It is why we are all here, continuing to wake up every morning, and continuing on in the battle called life.

In a world where man is capable of so many atrocities, love is the only thing that has held mankind together over the course of countless centuries. And that is why we must all pursue healing.

I'd like to add....

It is said that narcissists make up 1% of the entire population. While this personality disorder is heartbreaking at its core, narcissists know what they are doing and choose to do the most damage possible because it makes them feel powerful and in control.

Narcissists feed off of normal loving people. It takes a long time for the relationship to run its course....before the victim realizes there is no hope and they are giving the core of themselves to a personality type that is hell bent on sucking the life out of everyone around them. It is hard to love once you realize that you were just a thing to be used and discarded.

Still, love is such a powerful thing. I, for one, intend to pursue it. I intend to spend my life loving at every opportunity because there is just not enough of it in the world.