The Pain & Beauty of "No Contact"

I have been “no contact” with Nyles for 442 days. It has been 442 days since I have seen or heard him. 442 days of strength. 442 days of truth.

I have a counter on my iGoogle. Each day that ticks off is a day to be celebrated. It’s one more day that I am living free from the emotional and psychological trauma that loving a person with narcissism is. Each day is a celebration.

“No contact” is a tool for the victim. It gives you time to breathe and think. Time to come out of the fog and distortions that being involved with a narcissistic person creates. It gives the victim freedom.

Most NPD victims go through terrible withdrawal and spend weeks, if not months, trying to break free of the emotional torment. It is hard work and requires much support from people who have “been there”.

The thing is….a narcissistic person hates to be ignored. And while they view absolutely everyone in their lives as disposable and of no value at all, they want to be the one to determine when someone is thrown away.

And therein lies the basic conflict, in a nutshell, of what leaving a narcissistic relationship encompasses. Why it’s just so darn hard.

It’s hard to leave a relationship where you love with every fiber of your being all the while knowing that they are not treating you right,

won’t ever treat you right,

will never fulfill any promises made,

will never keep their word,

will never give you closure,

and you walk away knowing how good it could have been if you were dealing with someone who wasn’t a walking, talking disorder.

“No contact” is a tool; a horrible, difficult tool to be used when you’ve finally come to terms with the fact that to survive in life, to be able to protect yourself, you must walk away and cut off all contact.

It sucks.

It sucks because what a victim’s heart wants more than anything is for the narcissist to straighten up and fly right.

To have the narcissist look them in the eye and say, “I’m sorry”….and actually mean it.

To have the narcissist say, “I want to keep my promises to you”.

Through “no contact”, it will get better....I promise. It’s hard and painful and devastating. The thing is....what must absolutely be understood is.....doing the hard thing becomes easier when the pain of staying in the relationship is worse than walking away.

It. Does. Get. Better. 442 days. Yeah for me!