The Boss Put in Central Air Conditioning

Of course we are back to "normal" temps today.

When I said I was cold, I was told to put on a sweater.

Too funny!!!!

A New Day

Well into the second week of "just forging ahead". I don't like this.

Hello!!! I'm Only One Person Here

Work is insane right now. I was allowed to hire an assistant last December. She's so good the Pres of the company began to use her almost instantly to the point that she never was able to even learn what I needed her to do, much less actually begin doing it.

Part of me is so proud of her. She has learned an incredible amount in a short time. Very cool! She is out of her box and is thriving in an environment that would kill most people. This is a construction company after all. We can both attest to the fact that the "Good Ol' Boy Club" is alive and well.

Still, last night my boss once again gave me another massive project which sent me right over the edge. I'm already working between 50 and 60 hours each week. When I mentioned this, he said, "Well, you have an assistant". Ahem...hello...let's review.

I know I'll get it all done. Still, I'm out of balance and I'm feeling it. I'm tired and my allergies have kicked in. I'm not sleeping or eating properly.

This would be when I would do something stupid to make me feel better; get involved with the wrong person, go on an unplanned trip, spend money that I don't have.

I want to do something different. Do something different....get different results.

That's my plan. I'm going to sit and do nothing in my head and in my heart. I'm looking forward to Italy in October. Until then....nothing.

This changing and becoming who I am seems to have hit a spot where the "practical" needs to be implemented. The philosophical is just a bunch of whooie if I don't actually test my theory right? Interesting development.

What Happened to my Turtle?

So I'm taking a break from re-visiting my history so I can have a more current pressing meltdown. Thing is, I seem to be at a place in life where a current crisis is just a burp.

I faced several today. A financial crisis for me. A financial crisis for my company. A customer service crisis with a client. A logistical crisis for my family.

When I got home, I googled...Dealing with a Crisis.

One of the returns was for a list of seven ways to make a crisis a more positive experience.....they would tell me the secrets to making my crisis a more positive experience if I'd give them $75.00. I thought that was funny.

I'm thinking not!

The financial crisis for me will play itself out and wouldn't have occurred if I hadn't counted my chickens before they hatched. A learning experience.

The company financial crisis came in the form of my boss asking me why I hadn't put a ten page report together to get the company through the next two quarters. Ahem....did you ask for one?

The customer service crisis was solved by my saying no repeatedly until the customer finally just gave in. Ten minutes out of my life that I'll never get back, but he finally realized the unreasonableness of his request so...yippee...I win.

The logistical crisis is just going to have to play itself out as it will I'm sure.

Crisis often makes me think of an upside down turtle. Have you ever watched that behavior? They struggle and struggle, but if they would just relax, think things through and move slowly, it's amazing how the turtle can right itself. I don't recommend testing this as it traumatizes the poor turtle, but still, it's pretty cool.

So here I am. Exhausted from the day's struggling. Hoping that if I just relax the turtle will right itself. I'm sure it will....if it doesn't.....payday is Friday and I can still get the seven secrets. NOT!

Everyone Should Have at Least One Real Friend!

So tonight JJ and I went out for a girl's night out. Actually it started at about 10:00 am with the comments at work about how we both needed to go out and had probably needed a drink starting at 8:00 am. Rough week.

JJ is delightful in every way. I hired her as my assistant and when the President saw how good she was, he basically hijacked her. That's ok because I think she is just fab and I want to see her succeed.

The thing is....she is my friend first. And while she is 22 years younger than I am, I see myself in her.

I know that she is my friend and would do anything to see me successful too.

Everyone needs friends. I have very few, but those that I do have are stellar. To be able to work with one of them is better yet.

She told me tonight that for my big 50 birthday....she is taking me to get a tattoo. She has several very cool ones and I have ALWAYS wanted one but for various reasons have never gotten one. I gotta tell you that was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me.

We made a pact that by May 29, 2010 we would both have men who love us deliriously. Then we "spit" into our hands and shook on it. I laughed until I cried.

I had so much fun tonight. I'm really glad that JJ is who she is....although she is somewhat of a dork....but she knows that and somehow that just makes her all the more perfect....I love her for that too.

Trifecta of Weird

I love my job. I have no idea why. I can't explain it. One of the men I work for is a flaming loud man who embarrasses me with great relish every chance he gets.

The other is the "silent partner" which means he has an opinion on everything and it is my job to listen to him and then wave him off in a way that doesn't piss him off.

#1 got quite hung up on my love life today and for whatever reason...ok I know the reason....I went to lunch with a man and apparently that is great fun to talk about....anyway, he started in at 9 am about my "date" and didn't let up until our meeting at 2:30, which I was late for because I was out to lunch. Ahem.

#2 started in right at the beginning of the day, like 10 minutes after #1 did. His computer was sending him weird messages and of course my explanation was because he has bad Karma all over him. Somehow the "computer gremlins" excuse isn't working anymore. Of course, he has zero computer skills and only uses it because it is the new millennium and he absolutely has to get on board with the rest of the civilized world.

So there I was bantering with #1 about my pathetic love life while #2 went on and on about how he was going to curse me if I didn't start making his computer work right. At the same time, I was trying to prepare for and then go on a lunch with a delightful man that may or may not have some kind of impact on my life in the future.

It was....THE TRIFECTA OF WEIRD....you know that few hours you hit every once in a while where your personal life and professional life intersect and the explosion is enough for you to want to down an anti-anxiety pill the size of Nebraska.

When I got back from lunch, I rushed into my meeting with #1 only to be told that I was late. Yeah, four minutes. He then immediately picked up the phone to call #2 and relay that I'd gotten back and no I hadn't take the rest of the day off to hang out in a motel with the new guy. Ahem....I've never hung out in a hotel with the old guy bozo.

So I share all this to prove my point that these over-forty men spent their day pondering my love life and if I should really be allowed to go to lunch, all the while coming up with interesting things to pop off with so that I would turn seven shades of red. The political correctness memo has not reached this employer yet.

I love my job. Mostly because I know that these two knuckle heads really like me and want me safe. But geesch, could they possibly learn a better way to show it...ok, I wouldn't want a NORMAL work place. Why would I when I don't have normal in any other part of my life!

Worries and Other Ridiculous Things.

I didn't sleep well last night. Hence my previous post at 3 am. When I don't sleep well and end up tired, I tend to not think well either. Too bad really. I'd like to think that I have it all together all the time. I don't, not even close.

It's Trade Show Season. All work, no play, cranky. That about sums it up. Doesn't seem to matter what industry I work in, Trade Show Season sucks.

During the downtime, my co-workers and I chat. I don't feel very well liked because I fall in that not upper management and not worker bee twilight zone. The upper management folks use me as a weapon against the worker bees and the worker bees are always pissed because they seem to think that I'm taking more authority than I should be taking which gets me labeled as "controlling".

I'm lonely. Partially from the whole work environment thing and partially because I still think of LOML every so often. When is that bus going to hit him anyway?

Is it a full moon? Which for some reason, always seems to bring a thought about the view from the condo and then the next thought is about how he spent so very little time there with me and went on to live there with another woman for way longer. It was my friggen condo.

Then I realize that it's not him I miss at all, but the life that I lived there. The fact that I changed my life drastically at his request not realizing that his request was for his own selfish reasons. The reasons being that he wanted the condo and my furniture and a new woman.

I suppose that I also haven't quite created what my new life is going to be and so a void has been created which magnifies when I'm exhausted.

Added to the fact that I don't feel like anyone really likes me at work and I'm just plan whiney and tired. I want more friends. Real friends. I'm open to suggestions, but I think that I already know the answer. I'm not open to friends. I'm not open to anyone. Sucks to be your own best friend sometimes.