Red Flag #1
“Within a very short time,
people will tell you who they are.
Listen to them”.
The problem with empathetic people is that they often hear what they are told and then that caring heart kicks in, not always a good thing.
Gene, the Cerebral Narcissist, told me very early on in a phone conversation that he was better alone and his life was such that he just thought he’d always be alone.
Nyles, the Somatic Narcissist, told me on one of our first dates that every woman he had ever been with had ended up hating him in the end.
In both instances, what I heard from both of them was….they just haven’t met the right woman, that the right woman would bring love and peace into his life. Problem was, neither of them said that.
What I know now is that Gene is so violent, no woman could possibly be with him long-term. It would just be too dangerous.
I also now know that Nyles spends so much of his time juggling so many women by lying, that only women with an extremely low self-esteem and an ability to overlook the most grievous transgressions could ever be with him long term.
When I was in the thick of trying to detach from Nyles because he was still married and now living with a completely different woman, I asked him why he was with so many women at the same time and did he ever THINK about whatever woman he was “committed” to while he was sleeping with someone else. Ok, I didn’t know at the time that he was sleeping with so many others, but there you go.
His response at the time was that, no he did not think about anyone else. He went on to explain that he got involved with so many women because he could see that they were vulnerable and hurting and he could make them feel better and teach them how to feel loved.
I told him at the time that he was not helping anyone, but taking already hurting people and destroying them further. Then I blurted out, “Do you think you cum has healing powers or what”.
His response, “I know I’m doing good in this world by helping these women”.
It was at that moment, I remembered what he had told me initially. Women that love him deeply always end up hating him. He told me what and who he was right in the beginning. I just wasn’t listening.
If I’m ever going to have healthy relationships as a whole, I must learn to recognize the Red Flags quickly.
This one is fairly easy. I now listen more in all of my relationships. I’m worth the effort in doing so.
Gene, the Cerebral Narcissist, told me very early on in a phone conversation that he was better alone and his life was such that he just thought he’d always be alone.
Nyles, the Somatic Narcissist, told me on one of our first dates that every woman he had ever been with had ended up hating him in the end.
In both instances, what I heard from both of them was….they just haven’t met the right woman, that the right woman would bring love and peace into his life. Problem was, neither of them said that.
What I know now is that Gene is so violent, no woman could possibly be with him long-term. It would just be too dangerous.
I also now know that Nyles spends so much of his time juggling so many women by lying, that only women with an extremely low self-esteem and an ability to overlook the most grievous transgressions could ever be with him long term.
When I was in the thick of trying to detach from Nyles because he was still married and now living with a completely different woman, I asked him why he was with so many women at the same time and did he ever THINK about whatever woman he was “committed” to while he was sleeping with someone else. Ok, I didn’t know at the time that he was sleeping with so many others, but there you go.
His response at the time was that, no he did not think about anyone else. He went on to explain that he got involved with so many women because he could see that they were vulnerable and hurting and he could make them feel better and teach them how to feel loved.
I told him at the time that he was not helping anyone, but taking already hurting people and destroying them further. Then I blurted out, “Do you think you cum has healing powers or what”.
His response, “I know I’m doing good in this world by helping these women”.
It was at that moment, I remembered what he had told me initially. Women that love him deeply always end up hating him. He told me what and who he was right in the beginning. I just wasn’t listening.
If I’m ever going to have healthy relationships as a whole, I must learn to recognize the Red Flags quickly.
This one is fairly easy. I now listen more in all of my relationships. I’m worth the effort in doing so.
Looking inward is hard work. Understanding why I went into these relationships in the first place is excruciatingly painful to evaluate. But knowing that the outcome is going to be a healthier me….well that just makes it worth it don’t you think?
8 comments:
Jeanette...your my hero! I have a new mentor in you! Im so glad that I came across your blog. It's a little blessing in disguise!
thnx for letting me read your blog. I just don't understand, I suppose. I dont want to seem like a "lurker" lol
Red flags are hard to see when you are blinded with love. If you don't see it someone in your "family" will. Just listen to them. I am so glad that I listen to mine. They have helped me so many times.
Allen
I have issues with trusting people at face value. I can always read people. It's a gift I've have. I know when people lie, I know body language, I know eye movement. It's funny when I go to the store I call it out to my husband.
Look at him.. sad.. unable to stand people..
Look at her.. she's really pissed off at her kids. (she's trying to hold it in and NOT yell)
Look at this kid.. he's going to steal..
Hubby always stands there and says HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?!
My sons friends.. I read them.. it's like a voice.. but touches something much deeper. I can't explain it.
I'd have spotted them. (How I WISH I was a friend outside of blog land) and I could meet these people.
My boys have this as well.
We call ourselves the "readers"
My brother has it the strongest. Just never uses it.
My sister too..
Me.. I go with my feelings and it's always true.
Girlie, I want you to learn to read them. Body movements.. speech..eyes..lips..
You can do it.. and once you get the hang of it.. you'll see.
YOU ROCK. and I DON'T want to see you hurt anymore. I ADORE you and Lori!
HuGZ and blessings
I have always firmly believed you can learn everything you need to know about a person in the first five minutes of talk. Ask the right questions and you get to know them much better, quicker. This is not full proof, but i've only been a wrong a handful of times in my life.
You have learned a lot about yourself so that you are better prepared to deal with men in the future. Good for you!
Wow. I feel like I'm having an Oprah "Ah ha moment" right now! But better, because it's a Jeanette Ah Ha Moment.
Mine told me that, "I shouldn't make this too easy for him" and that "we train people how to treat us." Much more subtle, but red flags nonetheless. Laura
Jeanette, I LOVE this! You are so right... there are men who actually believe their little swimmers offer healing power... LOL.
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