Well...That Was Unexpected!

It's my weekend with the children. The house should be filled with noise and stuff all over the floor and....well....life.

The thing is...I got blindsided. Everyone had a filled social calendar today and most everyone will be out until tomorrow afternoon. My oldest at home, will be home from work at 11:30 pm, but he will be off to bed shortly thereafter.

So I'm virtually home alone this weekend....my weekend to have the children.

Now, normally on my weekends alone, I'm happy, content in the quiet. Off to dinner with friends or by myself. No worries because I've planned and prepped myself to be alone.

Here I am with nothing to do and no place to go and it feels weird.

I . AM . LONELY

There, I said it.

When I was driving the twins to their overnighter, I said very jokingly, "Poor me, I'm going to be all alone tonight. Perhaps someone should stay home and keep me company".

Mighty Max said, "Suck it up mom. You need to just deal with it".

Being home alone unexpectedly has led me to the realization that I am going to be alone more and more as the children grow and I really don't have a lot that fills the void. I still have things that I want to do and try, but I didn't realize it was time to actually DO that.

It feels weird.

I'm going to take myself out to dinner. Then, I think that I am going to go and buy some painting supplies. I always wanted to paint. If I enjoy it, I'll be able to do it way into my old age when all the children are gone.

This sucks.....and in this moment......I wish I wasn't alone.