My Path - Part III - The Roadtrip of a Lifetime

So there I was...in a mini-van on the road back from Texas. A four day road trip, not knowing if I had enough money or enough personal strength to get home.

I was mad at Gene for being the epitome of nothing that I valued.

I was mad at my mother for when I called her, the only thing she could say was, "Well you don't have what it takes to make a man happy".

I was mad at my husband for being there for me, but not enough to make my life easier. Just enough so he could help and then turn around and tell people that he had helped when reality was, he had helped just enough to cause me more stress.

I was mad at God for allowing myself enough free will to wander down a path that was so self-destructive.

Most of all, more than anything, I was mad at myself. It hurt that I had not looked after myself. Even as I drove home, I cursed myself for not protecting myself or more importantly my children.

And then something happened.....

Somewhere in the desert of New Mexico it happened.

I started to have fun.

Yes I was crying every now and then. Yes I was wanting Gene to call and say, "Surprise, just testing you, come on home". Wouldn't that have been destructive.

Suddenly I started to have fun and that four day road trip became the best trip of my life. My children laughed harder than I had ever heard them laugh.

In New Mexico, we pulled off the side of the road to watch the sun set because we had never seen anything like it. The beauty and the grandeur was incredible. A bit creepy too because you could have heard a pin drop.

In Colorado, I finally took a chance and sprung for a hotel room. We went swimming for hours. That night, I listened to the breathing of my children. Each one a different pattern. A gentleness crept over me.

I could still feel the tightness in my chest and the complete fear of the unknown, but I realized in that moment that things could have turned out so much worse. What if Gene had turned out to be a psychopath, my children and I could be dead.

The next day, I purposed in my heart to make the rest of the trip a stellar experience for all of us. I wasn't sure how, but I wanted it and was going to look for opportunities.

I love Moab, Utah. If you have never been there, you should Google it. You should go there. It nurtures my spirit, but I do think that love of Moab began on that insane road trip.

Up until Moab, Utah, my children and I had stopped at grocery stores to eat. I decided to live really wildly and we stopped for pizza.

There is a Pizza Hut on the main drag in Moab, Utah. They had a sign in the door that they needed a waitress. For just a moment, I thought about applying and trying to figure out a way to just stay there....halfway between where I thought I was suppose to be (Texas) and where I was headed (Washington).

I couldn't justify it and by the end of our meal, I knew I would just be passing through. But an odd thing happened in that Pizza Hut. My children and I had been talking. I was answering their questions. As the meal came to an end, I sent the children to wash up for the next leg of the trip.

The Pizza Hut was empty except for my little gypsy family. We had the full attention of both the waitresses the entire time we were there.

As the children ran off, one of the waitresses said, "We heard you talking to the children. We've both been where you are. If it doesn't hurt your pride, the cook would like to buy your lunch for you. Oh and we want to give you our tips for the day. It's only forty dollars, but hopefully it will help".

I cried. The children came back and I told them what had happened. They hugged the waitresses and the cook came out for his hugs too.

When I say, "I love Moab, Utah", folks often ask why. What can I say.....I love Moab, Utah....or at least the little Pizza Hut there.

We stopped in the desert later that day. Went rock climbing by the side of the road.

The next day, we stopped at a rest stop for hours to feed the chipmunks and wade in a little creek.

We stopped at parks and delightful little places all along the way.

We had so much fun. To this day, my twins will often say....let's do all that again. I always think...yes let's do....maybe not with so much drama next time.

When I drove over the summit of Snoqualmie Pass, I burst into tears. I didn't want to be in Washington. I didn't want to be limping home. I didn't want my husband to have the opportunity to tell that I had proven myself a loser. I didn't want to feel like my life was as dysfunctional as ever. I didn't want to be in a place where I couldn't support myself or my children. I wanted to be living happily ever after with someone who truly cared about me.

My daughter took my hand as I drove. "I love you Mom".
One of my sons said, "Thank you for the best adventure ever".
My other son said, "Yeah Mom, best time ever".

All I could think was.....I think the adventure isn't quite over yet.

My journey continues... here