Birthday Insanity and the Prize

It was down to less than 24 hours till my birthday and I had no plans and since I’m living a life of solitude right now and LOML got custody of our social circle…well I was desperate. So I did the next pathetic thing. I posted an ad on CraigsList.

“If you are like me, you've been busy working, raising kids, feeding the dogs, and just plain living your life. I'm complicated because I have a lot of depth to who I am. I think and feel and laugh...alot. Putting who I am into a couple of paragraphs just doesn't work very well. I suppose that you are the same way, at least I hope you are. I'm looking for someone to go to dinner with tomorrow night. If we have a good time, we can do it again and again and see where it goes. I'm not looking to fall in love or have passionate sex with my soul mate tomorrow night...it's just dinner...no pressure. Let me know if you are interested.”

I got about 35 responses. I knew most of them would be insane. Let’s face it, it’s CRAIGSLIST.

The man I chose was smiling in his picture. In his email, he told me what we could talk about as opposed to how he could make my body sing because his private part was the size of salami. And yes, I got a bunch of new nether-region pictures to ad to my “collection”. Bunch of morons.

The man I chose just seem different although the little voice in my mind kept saying…this is going to be a horrible crash and burn.We emailed a few times and I gave him my phone number. He called and we talked for several hours. He had made several suggestions including a trip to the art museum. I was ecstatic that he was a man who even knew where the art museum was. He was delightful, articulate, what seemed to be the perfect dinner date. We settled on meeting up in Seattle…neutral territory…dinner and the art museum.

He had invited me to Google him. I did, boy did I, but still I kept telling myself that he could still be pretend and dangerous and I’d be damned if I was going to let my guard down.

Time got away from me at work. Actually, even though my boss knew it was my birthday, he piled on the work and phone calls at 4 pm because he didn’t want me leaving early. His sick joke.

Mr. CraigsList and I volleyed emails and he made the suggestion that I take the walk on ferry over to the island. He would meet me there because he lives there and we could walk to one of the restaurants. My initial reaction was….yeah right, walk on (no transportation), island (cell phone reception would be spotty), with a man from CraigsList (they are all insane).

So being one to be conservative…I said…yes. (ahem)

I climbed into the car as I gave instructions to my assistant. “Ok, so you’ve got his name, cell number, and home phone number right? If I don’t call you by 9 pm, call the police at 9:05”. She said, “Phone numbers, 9 pm, police…check. You are worried about the crazies on CraigsList?” Nuff said.

I got to the ferry with less than 10 minutes to spare. As I was inserting money for parking, I dropped my cell phone. There it was, under the nearby construction fence…way under...way, way, way under. I had to reach under the fence as I literally laid on the ground. I got up hoping beyond hope I wasn’t dirty. It was dark so I couldn’t tell, but my knee was now wet because as I got up, I failed to maneuver the puddle that I had worked so hard not to hit before.

I ran for the ferry now horribly close to leaving dreading that I might have to call him and tell him that I’d missed it. As I ran on, now warm and a tad sweaty, the ferry worker said, “It’s the weekend, enjoy”. My thought was, “Yeah and it’s my birthday and we aren’t doing too well here”.

I went to the front of the ferry because I love the wind in my hair as it pulls away. Hey we have to grab the joy of life whenever we can. I was wondering how completely insane this little cooked up desperate adventure was going to get and making plans on how I’d kick his ass if he tried anything. I was thinking how my hair was getting completely messed up and trying to assess exactly where the dirt was and if I could actually get it off before the ferry docked on the other side. I thought about how I should have left work early and at least gone home and changed.

That’s when I saw it. The North Star. Only it wasn’t really north, it was kind of northwest and it was immediately over the ferry terminal on the other side. Where he was waiting for me.

It was the ONLY star in the sky and it was HUGE. The profound sign was so obvious that my heart literally skipped a beat as I cocked my head to the side and actually thought, “I think I may just have a great time. Perhaps it really is time for a new chapter in my life. Perhaps LOML, can finally rot in hell as he leaves my thoughts except for the occasional what was I thinking”. Ok, that last one gives evidence that I still have some healing to do, but whatever.

I was almost the last walk off passenger in the bunch. Mostly because I was scared to death and not sure if I really wanted to do this, all the while plotting strategies as to how I could quickly get back on the ferry and go home without him seeing me. Ok, not my most mature moment.

Then I saw him. Oh. My. Gawd. He was the most dignified man I’d ever seen. A tad older than I’m used to…early 60’s. Handsome as could be and adorable in every way. He smiled a huge, beautiful, “It’s been too long since I’ve seen you” kind of smiled. One that genuinely said, “This is going to be a great night”. He held open his arms and said, “Well there’s my birthday girl”. I told him that was an interesting way to great someone the first time. He told me that he knew I was probably nervous and he wanted me to feel comfortable.

He had his Explorer parked right there. He said that he’d drive me around and show me the various restaurants, promised that I’d be able to see the ferry dock from the entire two block radius. I decided to get in.

As I stepped up, I was watching my feet as you literally have two separate steps to maneuver. Yes ladies and gents, I did a full on, full-frontal face plant on the top of the door.

As I got in, he closed the door not realizing what happened. I tried to assess quickly before he got in the car. Pulling down the mirror, my face was covered…in blood. I had a quarter-sized avulsion on the bridge of my nose, my head was now throbbing, and I was fighting desperately not to cry.

As he got in, I said, “I may have injured myself getting in the car”. It was a minor statement that should have come out, “I hope the blood doesn’t stain your leather and if you do intend to kill me tonight, my DNA is already all over your car so you are gonna get fingered”.

I was trying to clean up as fast as I could, he kept asking to see it and if I needed help. Picture two people arms flailing as he was trying to help and I was trying to keep him from helping.

I started to cry, possibly from pain, possibly from the fact that I was now living some horrible bad sitcom in the presence of a man I would actually like to impress.

He finally said in a very authorative voice, “Jeanette, let me look”. He took my chin in his hand, began to dab the blood so gently I could barely feel it. He said, “I think your nose is broken”. I started to cry. He dabbed those too. He went on to say that it wasn’t displaced but it looked a bit deformed. He asked if he should take me to the hospital. I told him that I’d broken my nose before and could we please just go to dinner.

I loved his response, “I would love to take such a beautiful woman to dinner”. I almost flung myself all over him right then.

We ate a lovely dinner sitting side by side. Chatted for hours. He speaks three languages. Loves to travel as much as I do. Thinks that college students are the most fun people to be around. Regrets never having children. Loves to sail and fly. It was just an incredible dinner.

At 9:05, my assistant called….”Are you still among the living? If so, I’m going to the movies”. I’d forgotten to call her. TOTALLY.

He told me that he was very pleased as to how the evening turned out. He said that he had no idea that I’d be beautiful and asked how my ex-husband could have possibly let someone like me get away. I told him the story and the story of LOML. The abbreviated version because I didn’t want to scare him.

I asked him how an interesting man like himself comes to find dinner dates on CraigsList. He told me, “I was destroyed by the loss of trust by my divorce some years ago.... and spent a couple of years getting myself to a place where I could imagine being with women again...one of my male friends suggested that I take a couple practice test runs on dates with CraigsList. This was my first attempt, but I think I may have scored here”.

He leaned over and kissed me. Oh my goodness, nothing like a man with experience.

I excused myself and went to the bathroom since all of a sudden I saw visions of a one night stand on the horizon and I had promised myself I wasn’t doing that. I wanted to be treated like the prize damn it!

I looked in the mirror. I’d completely forgotten about the face plant…until I looked into the mirror.

OH. MY. GAWD.

I had a huge quarter-sized blood red circle right on the bridge of my nose. This man I had just met had literally put my nose back in place and pulled the skin back to where it needed to be three hours earlier. How could I forget about that!!!! My nose was broken, I could see it and it was swollen at least two sizes bigger than it should have been. I had a baseball sized knot on my forehead. I had two, yes ladies and gents, TWO black eyes. Not the, "oh your make up must have smeared black eyes", but the "when was the last time you saw your racoon relatives" kind of black eyes.

This man had treated me with dignity and respect when I’m not even sure I would have been able to finish my dinner looking at someone like me. I looked terrible…horrible and I found that I was embarrassed all over again.

I walked out, we got in the car, I couldn’t say a thing. He asked if he’d said something wrong that had upset me. I’m sure he thought he had offended me by the way he had kissed me not knowing that it was the best kiss I could remember having in a very, very, very long time.

I asked him how he could treat me like he had tonight, paid for everything, and had to look at this face all the while still being such a complete gentleman. He said, “You are a beautiful woman, at least I think you are since I only got to see you about 30 seconds before you had your accident. You are smart and funny. You don’t let anything stop you from having a good time. You have a great laugh. I feel like I’ve won the jackpot. Although, if things continue, I will be telling everyone this story when they ask how we met because once you heal you are going to think it is really very funny”.

As we stood on the dock watching the ferry, I asked him what he was looking for. He said, “I’m looking to fall in love for the last time of my life”. He told me that he had no children and didn’t want to spend the rest of his life alone, but that he didn’t think that relationships have to be so hard so he wanted peace and to be with someone who knows the value of commitment.

He asked me what I wanted, “I told him that I want a man who doesn’t make me cry and when I do, I want him to be man enough to wipe my tears away”.

He took my face in his hands and said, “Jeanette, I already did that now run along or you’ll miss the boat”. As I walked away, “He said, did you have a good birthday”. I called back as I ran up the ramp, “Yes, thank you so very much”.When I got home an hour later, he had already emailed me asking if I’d gotten home safely. I emailed back that I had and asked if we could please do it again”. He emailed me right away…he must have been waiting….he said, “Do it again, we haven’t done it the first time. LOL”. Ok, I had to remind myself that I did find him on CraigsList.

I crawled into bed last night with the biggest smile on and, while I felt like I had been hit by a truck, I felt beautiful and happy.This morning, I still look like crap, but that man chose not to look at that and instead looked at me as if he saw the prize. And his actions, well he treated me as if I was the prize.