Another Christmas Alone

Originally posted 12/25/08

I have survived another Christmas alone. Geesh, I would really like to stop having those. But at the same time, I don't want to go through the mundane initial dating process. Asking all the stupid questions that people ask.

I have my children, my family. that makes my life so complete.

I continue on this long path, this journey that seems to be a concentration on my family of origin issues. I feel a little bad about not calling my mother today. Although she has been no contact with me since May. I feel no guilt about that. I did my best to offer her a home with what I had and she rejected it all as not being good enough. How typical of her behavior. I think my Christmas was better because there was no connection with my mother.

I find that I am once again thankful for all the good things in my life and while I did fight an oppressive sad this Christmas, I'm looking forward to the New Year.

I saw a picture of J today. She is LOML's wife. She has grown her hair out and lost weight.

She looked stunning.

After 26 years with LOML, she has come through stronger than ever. More beautiful than ever.

I only suffered less than two years at his hand. Why am I still as frumpy as ever?

It has not occurred to me before, but it hit me right between the eyes this time.

He no longer torments me. I torment myself with the tools he gave me.

I hear my ex-husband's and my mother's words using them to torment myself as well.

I have chosen my key word for the coming year. It will be a good one because I am going to grab my life and move away from the torment once and for all. I will no longer allow myself to torment me!

It's going to be a good year. My word for 2009.....every single day, every single moment.

BLISS