Spring Cleaning

The children and I had a spring cleaning day today. That deep cleaning where you are on your hands and knees scrubbing to the point that you are sore afterwards.

I think my forearms and wrists may just fall off tonight.

Still the house is clean. Not just clean, but magazine cover ready.

Quite the picture of my life. I've learn more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the last eighteen months than anyone should have to know about in a lifetime.

I let a man into my life and into the lives of my children who did more damage in fourteen months than most people do in a lifetime. Tack on the eighteen months that I've spent learning and healing and officially this nutcase moron has taken way too much of my life.

Funny how I've spent eighteen months deep cleaning my soul. Magazine ready...or at least ready for something new and beautiful to begin. I've learned everything I can and somehow it still hurts every now and then.

Not the hurt that I miss him, but the hurt that I didn't protect myself and trust my gut like I should have. I still don't understand how he was able to get past that. I still don't understand how I trusted to the point of making a conscience decision to be transparent with this man. A man who meant me nothing but harm. I still don't know why, after he brutalized my heart and spirit, I still sought explanations from him to the point where he was able to continue to hurt me for more than six months.

I hate that I did that to myself. Perhaps that is truly what all this cleaning is about. It's about forgiving the spills and dog prints. Forgeting about the mess and finally putting away all that needs to be put away.

The house is clean and smells fresh. My life is clean and it is truly beginning to smell fresh. I like that. It makes me smile. BLISS! What a great word.