What do I want to be?

Life has changed over the last year.

I'm finally in a place where I feel peace. I finally have a job that I love doing what I've always wanted to be doing. Granted my boss is a weird pain, but he is a good man and he is fair. Can't ask for better than that.

My children are happy and healthy.

The men in my past are finally fading into my past. Amazingly enough, I don't think incessantly about LOML or anyone else anymore. The occasional sad when I'm triggered, but it usually passes quickly and when it doesn't, I have friends that will comfort me until it does pass.

I guess I am at a place to ponder...what am I going to be, who am I going to be...now that my life has taken this turn and I'm off onto another course I hadn't planned for, here I am nonetheless.

Tonight, I have been pondering people I know. People I admire and think really highly of....

S is a beautiful woman who somehow manages to wrap her life around two of the most beautiful children I have ever seen. Both of these children have autism, but S makes it look so easy to raise them. She is my hero. I want to be like her. To go through life, knowing who I am and what I'm all about. That is what she has taught me.

T is incredible. She has found the love of her life and amazingly enough he adores her and loves her back. What a rare thing! T has spent so much time working on herself. She was ready for him when he arrived and she embraced him. He embraced her back and the rest is history. T is my hero because everything that comes out of her mouth is truth and focused. Everyone needs a friend like T and I'm so glad she is mine. T is my hero because she knows who she is and she is happy with her life.

M is my hero. She is accomplished, focused, and raising beautiful children, but more importantly, she just plain loves her life. She can laugh at herself and see the complete absurdity of life and yet, forge ahead she does. M is my hero.

JL is my friend and hero. I worked with her for just a bit, but she and her family are deeply entrenched in my heart because I learned how to give second chances from her. When all is chaos around her, she is the epitome of peace and calm. I don't know how she does it. I want that ability so much.

I want to be just like every single one of these people. They each embody a trait that I absolutely love and want. I have great friends who have seen me through much. Counting my blessings...and if I left you out. I didn't mean to....I'll catch you next time. I promise.