It's Time

Why is the phrase "It's Time" so often associated with birthing? Can it reflect a large change of some kind? Ok, realizing that there is no bigger change than becoming a parent...why then if I choose to use it to birth a big huge change....well....whatever.

It's time.

I lost seventy pounds about five years ago. Yes, you heard me right. I've kept it off for the most part. Why haven't I lost the rest? Good question for which I have no concrete answer except to say that between being devastated by divorce and the relationship with LOML, the upheaval of being unemployed for an appallingly long time....(insert whatever excuse here).....I just never made the effort to lose the last one hundred or so pounds.

People tell me I carry my weight well. Ahem....they are wrong.

So tonight....on the eve of a new food program....I refuse to call it a diet because it really isn't....I am shouting out to the world that I want to be healthier. I'm going to lay down my fat which I have used repeatedly as a barrier of protection and begin to live differently. It's time.

I have lived in fear of failure most of my life and my weight has been an excuse that I am choosing to get rid of now because....it's time.

I want to love myself and in so many ways I have gained that perspective over the last few years. But it's time to move past my fat to become what I am truly meant to be. It's time to focus on this one area to which I have clung to as an excuse to avoid the intimacy that I seem to be longing for although I'm not sure that is completely accurate either.

It's time to use this program that deals with the heart and mind as well as the eating habits to get to the root of whatever the issue is. I'm all about root issues at the moment. I may as well deal with all of them right? After all it's time.